Lets Talk – Dating; You’re Doing It Wrong

Okay, I’ll be honest. I’m a horrible dater. I grew up in a single parent home and I haven’t actually been a witness to a healthy relationship. In other words, I’m a late bloomer. I’ve jumped from one guy to the next looking for love in all the wrong places and ways. Oowee, what a disgrace. However, with time and experience I am starting to see the light. I have to realize that anything worth having you have to work for. Looking back over the small timeline of my life I see that I have been on the speedway to finding love and, so far, I’ve learned that the speedway only leads to heartbreak and confusion. 

Ultimately, you want to take the time to get to know someone and if that person is the person you can continue building a romantic relationship with. Sometimes you’ll find that the person you have been getting to know is more suited to be a good friend and not set up to be bae. Another confession, making that determination is a lot harder than it seems. You may find yourself wasting a lot of time seeing if you can be romantic with someone who is emotionally unavailable. Now you’re left confused and hurt when things aren’t moving in the way you had hoped.

A great way to prevent confusion on who is who and what is what, is to decide to be celibate while going through the process. TRUST me, I know that that right there is a toughie. I, myself, like a little afternoon delight from time to time, but I also know that it can get in the way of me seeing things clearly in my dating practices. I wish I was emotionally strong enough to have my cake and eat it too, but alas, I am weak. Knowing your weaknesses in your dating habits is essential. This will assist you in redefining your boundaries in what you will and will not allow in your quest for the one.

It is also important to be completely secure in who you are as an individual and what you stand for. This will remove an excessive amount of frustration and confusion on your part because you will be certain about your wants and requirements. Small things you used to let slide will be on the list of no no’s and will fortify the boundaries you have set in place. It will be clear that these outlined items will NOT be tolerated.

If needed, take a break from dating all together so that you can allow yourself the growth that you need. We never know how we were dropping the ball until we take a seat and review the play back. Once you are removed from the forest you’ll be able to see things much more clearly. You’ll see how you may have neglected your own dreams in your insistent pursuit of love. Give yourself back to yourself and development the skills and talents that you have neglected.

As much as I have learned from myself and past mishaps, I still have to remind myself that I am my best when I put myself as a priority. When I put my growth and personal goals at the top of my to do list, the trivial will not deceive me into thinking it is something I have to have above all else. When I say “trivial” I am referring to the butterflies we feel when we meet someone new. Those butterflies flee and can leave you feeling used and manipulated if you allow your temporary emotions to lead you into believing this new person has something you need.

Just remember to take things at a respectable pace. No need to rush into something that may not even benefit you. Also keep in mind that you should put yourself before any new conquest because when you know where you stand in life, a swindler will have no place in it and their dismissal will come swift and forceful. You will save so much unnecessary wasted time. Oh you thought I didn’t peep that? The door. You think you can talk to me like that or put me on the back burner? The door. Dismissing is a self rewarding feeling because you know you put your values above the desire to have that new boo.

Stay encouraged and keep things in focus. Although the journey to love is varying and wonderful don’t completely lose yourself to another person. Bring your best you to the table and make it clear who you are and what you stand for. Be prepared to let go of a promising candidate when they drop the ball. Everybody doesn’t deserve all of you, however, you do so don’t give your all if you’re not being replenished.

Keep these tips in mind when you think about giving love another shot.

Until we meet again, PEEEAACE!


  1. Wow, this was a great post. Too many people are willing lose themselves in hopes of finding someone else. But you have to love yourself first, with 100% of your heart. If you only love yourself with 20% of your heart (so you can save the rest for someone else)… then someone could come by and love you with 25% of theirs and you”ll feel blessed… but if you love yourself first, with all of your heart… someone else will have to go above and beyond to make you feel special…. great post!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your input. After failing a few times myself and having the reinforcement of self love beat into my head I know that it is essential to make sure your cup is full before being able to share the excess of yourself with others.


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