Blog, Coffee & Conversations, motivational, self improvement

Let’s Talk – Go Big or Go Home

I feel like I want to do something unquestionable. I feel as though I need to take a big step toward my future, but I’m not sure how I should go about doing it. I’ve always seen myself as an urbanista walking the streets of Brooklyn or even Maryland and absorbing all of the culture, drama and entertainment in ways that I can’t here in the Pacific Northwest. Don’t get me wrong, the Pacific Northwest has been very good to me. I love it’s beauty and the opportunities that it does provide to those living here educationally and economically. Even with that, I still feel like I need to travel and experience life beyond the ever-green state.

If I did leave Washington there would be a few things that I know I’d miss for sure. Those things include family, Pike Place Market, the beautiful landscape, and the minimum wage!

11889460_875449419168860_1758863158603822682_n   220px-view_seattle_pike_place_market_sign_summer_2010  20411430-seattle-skyline-sailboats-puget-sound-cascade-mountains-washington-state-pacific-northwest

I’m sure after a couple months, however, I would get used to my new surroundings and culture and begin exploring my new homeland. The biggest question I have for myself is where would I best fit in? I visited NY and absolutely loved it, but it can be kind of pricey. I’ve been to FL and the area is nice, but the humidity may be a deal breaker. I need to take a trip to DC/Maryland to get a feel for that part of the east coast to see how that treats me. I’ve even considered Arizona, though, not east coast, I have put that on my list of possible locations that I would move to.

empire-state-building                    maryland-collageazill-aztrail

I know the best way to relocate is with proper planning and saving, but I find myself just wanting to pack up the little that I have and just leaving, figuring things out along the way. Is this a reckless idea? Possibly, but I can’t help but think that is the only way I will actually take charge of my destiny and do exactly what I want to do. As much as I love my family and my friends, as much as I love the scenery and different dynamics of Washington, I feel that I must take the path that best suits me. I want to go somewhere not just because it is a new place and its an opportunity to move. I want to move someplace I can see myself in; a place that I know I can grow and evolve in, on my own terms.

I feel that now more than ever I need to put my needs and wants before those that I love because at the end of the day, I can’t be who I want to be for them if I never let myself grow into that person. We may love our friends, our family, and our hometown, but there will come a time when you have to set those things aside in order for you to become the person you’d always dreamed you would be. As Iyanla Vanzant would say, it’s not selfish to prioritize yourself first, it’s self-full. She said that the way you treat yourself is the way you treat God. In order to serve God to the best of your abilities you must first be full.

My cup runneth over. What comes out of the cup is for y’all, whats in the cup is mine.

-Iyanla Vanzant

To see the clip of Iyanla click here.

So I think that over the next several months my plan will be to prepare for a big move. I will keep it hush until I’m certain and ready to make my journey. I’d like to be reckless and just go, but who am I kidding, I wanna show up move in ready lol. So I challenge all who reads this to put yourself first, make that risky move, go for what you want because in order to be your best you must treat yourself accordingly.

Until next time!

Blog, Coffee & Conversations, motivational, Relationships, self improvement

Let’s Talk – He Ain’t The One Sis

Don’t you hate it when you find yourself wasting your time on someone you thought was “the one”? Yeah I think most of us have been there at least once in our lives. Here comes this handsome, charming, what we think is a man, and he gives us all the feels but he is lacking that extra most important ingredient. He is missing that key piece of maturity called commitment. For some reason committing is a word he is allergic too. He doesn’t want you to know this so instead he will lie, act, and play on your emotions to hide the fact that he simply doesn’t want to commit to you. These guys will either jump into a relationship with you and never really do anything to grow into the relationship, or you’ll have the one who clearly appears to like you and enjoys being around you, but will refuse to lock you down.

The hardest part with dealing with this type of guy is that we, the ones dealing with him, have a hard time letting go. We know deep down that he is stringing us along, but we just have to see if, by some miracle, he will realize that we are the best thing to have ever come into his life. It’s almost like a drug. We get so high off of the idea of our ever after with our dream guy and lose all sense of reality or logical thought. We hold on to that dream until we are completely drained and exhausted from trying to keep it alive. I think that it is important to remember that we are very valuable creatures. We offer more than just comfort and ease, we offer the joys in life like starting a family, supporting our husbands and planning for a bigger future. We simply get caught in the trap of a swindler. Someone who takes advantage of our kind disposition and willingness to support and uplift. No more!

I think that for those dealing with a boyfriend who continues to give empty promises, it’s time to wake up. For those holding on to the dream that he will see you for the woman you are, it’s time to wake up. For those that are waiting for the perfect guy to see the inner beauty within, it’s time to wake up. We can no longer pretend that there is a perfect guy, and we can no longer ignore the signs that the person we want isn’t putting in equal effort to make sure they are who they need to be for us. It is time to set a higher bar, a higher standard, a higher sense of self. We don’t have to feel bad for telling a guy what it is that we want and expect. We don’t have to feel bad for telling a guy that he may be an adult but he isn’t a grown man. We don’t have to feel bad for finally standing up for ourselves and our hearts. We are the prize at the end of the day, so if he can’t or won’t step up to the plate of a grown man, he needs to go back to the dugout so another man can step up to bat.

Sometimes being alone is not the end of the world, but rather, the beginning of the journey you were supposed to be on all along. Loneliness can trick us into thinking that we need to be in a romantic relationship, when in reality, it can simply mean that we need to venture out and connect with like minded and spirited people. We can be single and still experience all the joy that life has to offer. Being in a relationship is a blessing, however, forcing one can curse your life.

I used the word “we” a lot because, like a pastor would say, as I preach to you I also preach to myself. It isn’t fair to hold on to something that isn’t helping you grow beyond yourself. Why try forcing something that should just be? Why stress over someone who isn’t stressed about you? Why care if they are on hard times when they turn down opportunities to turn it around? No longer! No longer should we waist our time or our value. I believe that these guys I speak of can still be our friends, but only to an extent. They must know that there are now boundaries to how close they can get to us. They must appreciate that we have chosen to love ourselves more than the idea of love. If that guy truly ever cared for you he will understand and respect your decision and you will know that you had a friend in that person, no more and no less. If the guy tries to turn it around on you, get rid of him and never look back, for that person only cares about themselves and was never a friend.

It can be hard to let go of what you thought was a good thing, but in the end, you will be all the better and stronger for it. Keep in mind that if your soul isn’t being fed you may never truly feel happy, yet you will always be searching for something that may not exist. Continue to love, continue to grow, and continue to evolve. The person that you are meant to be with will likely add to, not take away from those things and you will know the difference. If that person never comes along for you, don’t fret, for you may have the gift of exploration. You will be free to do great things and reach many without losing self and gaining all that you desire. Stay focused on the things that bring joy to your life and be kind to all.

It’s 2018, let’s leave all the grown man babies behind and takeoff into the land of maturity and growth!

 

Coffee & Conversations, Poem, relaxation, self improvement

Let’s Talk – I Am Who I Am

I am more than just a late night tour. I am more than the subtle warmth between the sheets. I am more than the small talk via text message. I am more than the unclear answers I receive to a specific question. I am more than the figure at the door. I am more than the struggling smile fighting back tears. I am more than a face. I am more than a body. I am more than a security blanket. I am more than the time on the clock. 

I am a person with feeling. Vibrant and dynamic I shine through overcast. I am joyful and laughter is my elixir. I am peace within, speaking to the inner power that dwells building its confidence. I am light like India Arie, spreading it as far as it will reach.

I am no longer giving in to pain. I am no longer feeding self doubt. I am no longer allowing my light to be dimmed. I am no longer passively letting my heart be broken. I am no longer tolerant of tyrants. I am no longer allowing my kindness to be mistaken for weakness.

I am who I am, so take it or leave it.

Blog, Coffee & Conversations, motivational, self improvement

Let’s Talk – Stay True To Self

I’m pretty confident that most people know what it means when the phrase “I’m doin me” is said. However, if you don’t know, it simply means that you are putting time and energy into the things you want to do. It means that you are putting yourself and your needs first. In most cases this is a single person statement. Singles like to use it to make the statement that at the end of the day they don’t depend on another person to enjoy life. It also means that a single person is free to flirt and talk to whomever they please. As much as I relate to the single person mindset of “doin me” I also think it weighs heavily on staying true to yourself.

“Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.”

– Julius Charles Hare

I know that, personally, I have more growth to do, but I also know that the growth I anticipate won’t come from remaining in the same place. Once I tune into my true self and begin to recognize my true self, I can then start to analyze certain characteristics that can be edited or deleted if need be. As you dig into to self and begin discovering new parts of yourself you will realize that some of your bad habits or actions aren’t a true reflection of who it is you are, but rather the outer shell you have created in order to protect yourself from discomfort or pain.

Sometimes the shell we hide behind gets so thick and hardened we think that it is who we are and there is no coming or going back. Yes, it is true that if you do not take the time to “do you” and discover you in the process, those walls, fences, bridges, and whatever other fixture you have subconsciously put up will be very difficult to tear down. Tearing down the security wall forces you to face your ugly truths. When I say they are no fun to face, believe me, they are horrid, but once you’ve come to terms with that truth, you will then be able to heal that wound and recover. Each of us has a different form a security and each of us has a different healing period, but it is our responsibility to go through that process.

As of right now I’d say that I know a few things that are holding me back from my true potential, but now that I am aware of what needs to be addressed I can learn how to handle the situations that may come to test me. I know for a fact I still have a ways to go in my personal journey, but I truly believe that as long as I keep “doin me” and staying true to myself that each day will become easier and the things that would have once broken me can now be channeled in a positive way.

Katt Williams once said, “Take care of your star player”. The star player is you because at the end of the day you are all you got so take care of yourself.

As always thanks for stopping bye! Until next time.

Blog, Coffee & Conversations, comedy, motivational

Let’s Talk – Springtime and Sundresses

Spring has finally decided to kick winter out of here and show her beautiful face. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that springtime comes with a lot of rain and some chilly days, however, that only means that summer is that much closer. With spring the sun appears more, blossoms begin to sprout and bugs come out to terrorize us. Each sign of spring only gives me hope for the warmer months to come. With the promise of warmth and sunshine, also comes the promise of shorts, skirts, and sundresses.

Today it is raining, but for the first time in months, I am not depressed about it. I look forward to the April showers because I know that those may flowers will bloom and bring joy to so many who have been forced to wear parkas, thick gloves and boots for so long. As much as I love sweater weather, I love summer dress season even more! BRING ON THE ROMPERS too lol. Rompers and sun dresses is all I can think about. I can’t wait to be hot and sweaty begging for AC. I want to walk a sandy shore with my sandals in my hands basking in the sunlight. It has been a long time coming and I know there are a slew of us just waiting for a reason to get as close to naked as possible.

Although I am excited to show more skin, I’m also terrified at the thought of others showing a bit too much. I feel bad about it but we’ve all seen the ones who do not know how to dress for the summer for their body. LORD BE WITH US. For we will see things that will break our moral back and tempt us to point a finger and laugh, or worse, gag. Lord you know where we fall short, and you know how short short can be. Guide our unfortunately shaped friends in Walmart, K-mart, and Target. Show them what works for them and what will accomplish light summer wear without killing folks. Keep us, weak mouthed individuals, in your sight for when we see the unsightly we will need your grace, AMEN.

You feel me? I just know that even with that prayer, big Bertha is gonna put on those shorts that have no room for her gut and cut wayyy to low. I’ll be forced to roast her and I don’t want to do that, but I know me, and I am weak in this area. Please, if you are going to be bold, have somebody with you to say “yay” or “nay”. I like that you feel emboldened, but that doesn’t mean you are safe from the roast. None of us are really, but some targets are easier to spot than others.

Anyhow, this last week I went shopping at Goodwill and found some cute spring/summer wear. Don’t sleep on goodwill now. I know some of you see like goodwill? Ummmmm ill pass. Well you could be passing up a bargain. I won’t lie, sometimes you really have to hunt, but when you find something name brand for a fraction of the retail price, you must buy.

Here’s what I got. . .

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Ya girl is hype! I need a few more pieces to really feel ready for the season but i love my finds so far. Each dress was under $10 and since I work at Goodwill I saved a little bit more on top of that. So as you can see you can get cute things for cheap from your local goodwill or other thrift store.

The next thing that I need to do is get in the gym or find workouts to do at home. Right now I’m at an okay weight, but I’m soft and I can’t go into summer this year jiggly. I favorited the youtuber The BKbooty and have saved about 2-3 workouts that will help sculpt my buns and tone my gut. Everything that I need. I’m not worried about my arms because as long as I have to comb my hair, I’ll be fine. Another source of motivation was seeing a picture of a runway model who was built for swimwear. When I saw it I said to myself, “enough is enough, you must start toning up”. So hopefully I stick to the plan and not cheat by eating fatty snacks and baby backs.

So whether you’re out shopping for new outfits or getting that body right, make sure you’re not out here looking crazy. Find the things that work for you and make you feel good. If you have a fitness goal before summer touches down, get to it because summer will be here before we know it, even with winter still lingering around.

Lets get ready for spring and let’s meet it in style lol.

Thanks for reading….until next time!

Coffee & Conversations, motivational, self improvement

Let’s Talk – Noise

There is nothing more important to me than having peace in my life. Sometimes, life shows you that your plans for consistent calmness and serenity is unrealistic. Although the goal is to have complete peace, we still have to go through periods of noise. Noise can disrupt your thought process and distract you from what it is you are doing. Noise can also impact your physical health. This describes the literal factors of noise, but it can also be theoretical.

Sometimes we have noise within our personal lives. Sometimes those around us, that we assumed would bring some peace into our life, turn out to bring a lot of noise into our life. There are going to be times when the noise comes from people you don’t have strong ties with, but then there are times that it will come from those that you considered to be a solid pillar. Those particular ones will surprise you and have you a little shell shocked, but it will all prove to be for the best.

It is baffling how many of us allow noise to clutter our lives. We will put in our theoretical headphones to muffle the noise, but eventually we will have to remove the headphones and the sound will break through our mental once again. Noise cannot be ignored. It can only be addressed. You can work to turn the noise down to a level you are willing to tolerate, ,or you are going to turn the noise off. In order to turn off the noise, you may have to cut somebody off. This can be rough, to say the least. It’s not easy cutting people out of your life. Shoot, it’s not easy being the one getting cut off either. But at the end of the day it may be just what both sides needed.

Noise, in its forms, can completely disrupt our life. The utter loudness of it can debilitate us to the point of breakdown. If you are familiar with hip hop culture you may have heard the phrase “cut the noise”, which I interpret to mean that the energy you are bringing is toxic/a load of crap and we can’t have that. That’s exactly how I think noise should be treated. Hey look you’re toxic, or this is toxic, I’m going to have to get rid of this because it isn’t doing me any favors. 

It is a part of my new years resolution to level-up my life. As much as I want to hold on to certain things or people, I find that they are giving off a lot of noise. I can try to resolve the issue or reduce the amount of noise given off, but when that doesn’t work, you have to cancel the noise, move on and reclaim your peace.

I would love to hear your feedback about noise you’ve had to address and how that impacted your life afterwards. Please comment/like and Let’s Talk.

Thanks for stopping by, until next time….

via Daily Prompt: Noise

motivational

Let’s Talk – Fear: The Silent Killer

The last few days I have been faced with self evaluation. I’ve discovered that I have been holding myself back due to fear. FEAR! This thing is a horrible thing and it can be passed on to others. Fear is contagious so be careful on how you allow it to affect you. Fear, the debilitating reaction we can have. Well this can prevent us from evading danger if there is too much of it and it can also keep us from reaching our potential in life.

I know that I’m not the only one to have kept themselves back. I can think of a couple times that I turned down opportunities due to fear. The fear wasn’t specific to the fear of failure, but rather, it was fear of hurting or disappointing others. This was a major fault for me to realize. It hurts when you have to come to terms with your own bad choices. Aside from the fear to go for it, fear can interfere with relationships.

Relationships can be hard to develop when you are not brave enough to open up completely to your significant other. It is important to express the things that you’re unsure of in order to reduce the chance of letting anxiety push away the ones you love. Fear can also prevent you from making the necessary moves you need to make to level up. You know that for things to go to the next level of your relationship you are going to have to make some changes. Fear can keep you trapped in your comfort zone, killing the momentum you need to prepare for the level up. Fear can also have you running away from what you’ve been praying for. That’s me! It came and I didn’t know what to do with it. I think I was in shock like, naaaaw, this is waaaay to good to be true. Thus, overreacting and potentially ruining your only chance at true love forever. If you are religious, it can also come in between you and your relationship with your almighty.

I recently came to terms with the fact that I allowed fear, in one of its forms, to keep me from continuing my relationship with mine. I allowed myself to be affected by the hypocrisy of those within the church. It made it difficult for me to believe in something that has been shown to be of multiple sources and not a single culmination. I had seen other history related stories that seem to debunk the bible as an original work. However, I also believe that the majority of religions have a common theme. To exude love as you wish to receive it. Peace within that shines throughout tends to resonate among the theologies of faith. As I started to listen to some gospel music, it slapped me in the face. It was then that I realized that I needed to be accountable and make a decision. To believe is a choice. Whomever you choose, you were given the right to choose them. Mine made it clear that it would not be forced upon us. It is us that has to decide if we will believe in that walk or not.

What an amazing discovery. Now I have to decide whether or not I am going to commit to that walk. I know that my answer is yes, but I am concerned that my ability to ignore the opinions of others will be my hindrance. Again, fear poking out its lovely head to remind me that it hasn’t gone anywhere.

**Fear, oh fear how you annoy me so. You take over my bodily functions making me scared froze. I thought that I had conquered you way back when. Yet, here you are giving me grief again. Holding me back from the things I want. Lying to me saying, “you’ll never make it to the top”. It’s okay because my peace within keeps me clear. Even if I become scared I have an almighty friend near. So fear, you can leave me alone. For you make me aware, but you don’t make me strong.**